A Special Day

Yesterday was a very special day. We’ve been hanging out here in Umhlanga, a touristy part of the Durban area, enjoying the beach, our very comfortable bed and breakfast, the Kingston House, and have even gone to Gateway, the largest mall in the Southern Hemisphere. Mostly, we’ve been killing time, waiting for the passport, waiting until it’s time to leave South Africa, but also, waiting, a little excited and a little nervous, to meet Jeremy’s birth mother. Yesterday was that day.

I don’t know if I’ve ever prayed so hard and so often in preparation for such a short time. We had heard from others, that the meetings with birth parents are usually very difficult, very emotional. One woman who we’ve met describes it as the hardest thing she has ever done. We tried to picture how it would go, what we’d say, how would she react to seeing Jeremy. Most of all, we prayed. Our prayer was simple. God be with the birth parents. Help it to be a good and meaningful time, an important part of the healing process for the birth parents, and a time when they are reassured that they’ve made the right choice.

We met at the home of our social worker. Upon our arrival we pulled over to the side of the road, just before the driveway to pray one last time, for God’s presence in the meeting, for strength for the birth parents and for us, for the words to say…

God was present, the words came, and we had a good, meaningful time with Jeremy’s biological mother and his grandparents. They were sweet, good people, happy to see us, and happy to see Jeremy for the first time. We hadn’t realized that Jeremy’s birth mom had never seen him before. We have some beautiful photographs of her holding him, talking to him, and playing with him.

It was a difficult time for Jeremy’s mom. Her eyes filled with tears often, but she’d quietly wipe them away. She is not a talkative woman, a little shy with difficulty expressing herself (who can blame her giving the circumstances), but we feel like just that short time with her allowed us to get to know her a little more.

Jeremy’s grandmother is making a book about their family and about South Africa for him. This gift surprised us and delighted us. What an incredible gift to have such a book to look at when he thinks about and wonders about his first family. The book is not quite complete and so we will have to wait until it arrives in the mail. Hopefully it won’t be too long.

One of the neat things about an open adoption, even one that is separated by such a great distance, is that when we parted, when Jeremy’s birth mom so sweetly and so painfully touched his little arm to say goodbye, it wasn’t last contact. In a few weeks we’ll be sending the first pictures of his time in Canada. Jeremy’s birth mom will see him greeted by his Canadian grandparents and his big sisters. She’ll see pictures of his baptism, camping this summer, his first steps, first days at school. And in return, when Jeremy wonders what his birth mother’s favourite colour is, or whether she likes pineapple on her pizza, or any other question little boys wonder about people, he can ask her. What a healthy and positive way to do adoption.

My heart breaks for Jeremy’s birth parents. I know their hearts are breaking in the most painful way. We expect it to be a very difficult journey for them as they deal with grief which we can’t even imagine. So now we continue to pray, not out of fear and nervousness about a difficult meeting, but for strength and comfort and peace for these two important people who have joined our family as part of Jeremy’s family.