Friday, April 30, 2010

Our Beautiful Baby Boy

How is it that a name and a picture can stir in us such incredible love? How can one phone call change our lives forever! We got the call; our son, our beautiful baby boy is ready to come home! We are emotional, excited, overjoyed, nervous, and so blessed. God is so good!

And here he is!

Jeremy Arthur Phumlani Hoogstad
born Feb 16, 2010
referred to us April 28,2010

Here in the Hoogstad household we are reeling! We had given up hope that we'd receive a call this spring and were so wonderfully surprised. We are dazed, walking in a dream. We sit and stare at the pictures of our son and memorize every detail of his precious face. We are overwhelmed with joy, and with preparations!

Baby Jeremy, a name we are trying out as much as possible, came with the name Arthur. His birth mother, of English South African background, named him after his great grandfather; they share a birthday. We have given him his other names.

Jeremy, Marc's middle name, means "Exalt the Lord", and it completely reflects our feelings. Exalt the Lord! Praise His name! Glorify the Lord with us!

Phumlani, Jeremy's third name, is the name of his birth father, a Zulu South African. Phumlani means "rest" and we pray that Jeremy's birth parents can rest in the Lord and be at peace with their decision to relinquish their child and give him to us to raise. We want to honour them and so have used names from both of them so that they will forever be a part of Jeremy and his identity.

These last few days have been emotional, overwhelming, and wonderful. Every few hours it seems, we receive new information about our son. We've met with our Canadian social worker, signed papers, looked into flights, called family members, and have wandered around in a daze, unable to even think straight. It's an incredible experience.

So now, our dreams, our thoughts, our hopes for the last year and a half are becoming real. In just two and a half weeks our lives will be changed forever. Our family will be complete and our son will be home. Our family tree will grow in the most beautiful way as Jeremy Arthur Phumlani is grafted in. We covet the prayers of family and friends over the next few weeks as we prepare to travel and unite with our son, and also in the months and years to come.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

On Dandilion Fluff and Eagle's wings...

It's been almost six months since our file left for South Africa in early November. And I'm not sure if half a year has ever taken this long in recorded history! The first few months were a pretty easy wait, actually. Since our South African social worker took the month of December off for Christmas, we knew that when she got back in January she would have a lot to catch up on; we didn't really start anticipating a call until February. Since February, we've been on pins and needles!


The average wait for a referral is eight months. Some people wait two months, some people have been waiting over a year. We hoped to be in the first category. Having been reassured that our family, made of a Christian pastor and teacher, would be a relatively quick pick for birth moms, we kind of hoped for a six month wait at the longest.

Even in February, in a conversation with our agency, we were encouraged to "get ready" because they were optimistic that we'd have our baby before summer. So our real time of anticipation began in March. On weekdays we'd glance eagerly at the caller id looking for that "Mission of Tears" name or the name of our Canadian social worker "Ann Felsky". By the end of March we'd check our phone messages immediately after arriving home, sometimes not even taking off our shoes. Although we tried not to, each ring of the phone made our minds race as we went to answer it, "could this be the call?".

Due to the Fifa World Cup taking place in South Africa, the overseas adoption program is shutting down for June and the first part of July. Our social worker is coming to Canada to meet with families, and no families will travel during that time to meet their child.

So...the wait for a referral will take a break for a while, and likely, we won't be meeting our little baby until the end of the summer...but now I wonder, will it be winter? Or will I, next spring, be still wondering, still waiting by the phone?

It is unbelievable how our third child affects our life DAILY. This little guy impacts our life in crazy ways. Booking camping reservations...will we be going camping or will we be in S.A.? Baby Tylenol is on sale, should I buy it so we're ready for the call? They said to 'get ready'. The girls ask how things will be with a baby. Leah proudly states how her baby brother will sit in the front of the 'Sit 'n Stand' stroller and she will get to stand in the back. Last night, while in the car, they asked how the seating arrangements will be when we have the baby (Sara will be in the back of the van).

But it wasn't until Sara said her next comment that I realized how the wait is affecting my two precious little girls. While we were driving in the van, Leah said, once again, "Our baby takes a long time". And then Sara shared excitedly that while waiting for the bus, she blew on a dandelion fluff and wished that we'd get the call about the baby next week! Sweet Sara believes with her whole heart in dandelion fluff wishes. Then, in my rear view mirror, I saw her eyes grow big and her hand cover her mouth. She had told us her wish...now it won't come true.


And that is pretty much the moment when my heart broke. The wait is hard on Marc and I, but to think of our six year old daughter using her dandelion's wish on a baby brother instead of on a pony or a dog or whatever toy or dream that usually fill the heads of little girls and then to think that she could, by mistake, do ANYTHING to ruin the chances of her baby brother... I just about cried then and there.


Instead I cried later. That night we went to a Sean and Aimee Dayton concert, a beautiful, intimate time of worship led by two gifted musicians and singers. Once again, in the usual way that God works, every song they sang was, of course, geared to me, my heart, and my troubles. The song that broke me, was based on the text, "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.

We have definitely been waiting, but the question of waiting on the Lord is debatable. How is it that just a few weeks ago, when we received the incredible news of our $10,000 grant we could be so definite about God's plan for us and his providence, and also of his timing. "For I know the plans I have for you", and now we are filled with such anxiety and stress at another day of waiting. Are we really trusting God's timing if we are so desperate for our call? So...we're trying to switch our thinking, trust in God's plan and God's timing, wait upon the Lord, and hang out with the birds for a bit.

I'm very disappointed that our chances of a spring baby are almost over. I've given up on the phone call for the time being. I don't wonder each time the phone rings if this is the moment. It's not going to happen right now. But I'm drawing on the message from Sean and Aimee, and from the Lord, that if I place my wait instead in the hands of the Lord, my strength in this long long journey of adoption will be renewed and my weariness will subside.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A little Treat...

Our "dog days" of waiting were interrupted recently with a wonderful treat! Our friends Pieter and Elsebé treated us to an evening rich with the flavours of South Africa. They immigrated here from South Africa five years ago and so are well qualified for presenting a South African feast! And wow did they ever present! Pieter and Elsebé are from Afrikaaner stock and were careful to point out that the dishes they created for us were representative of only one of the cultures of the rainbow nation. But... the food was incredible!

We were invited with the Senior Pastor of our church and his wife, as a Pastor Appreciation dinner (Marc is the Youth Pastor in our church). And were entertained with high cuisine, and South African traditions.


Pieter and Elsebé's home is beautiful and everywhere is decorated with items from South Africa. They have carved animal statues, South African paintings, and wall hangings all from South Africa. The centrepiece of their coffee table included ostrich eggs.


Our hosts were gracious enough to tolerate me taking pictures of objects in their house and of every course of the meal. They were excited to share their culture, so I don't think they minded too much!

We started with an appetizer called Biltong. Biltong is a meat that is flavoured with spices and vinegar and then dried. Our hosts prepared it using beef, but normally in South Africa they use game like spring bok or eland. Biltong was perfected by Voortrekkers, the dutch descendants who migrated north into the interior of South Africa to get away from British rule. The Voortrekkers needed a way to preserve game quickly in a hot climate while on the road. Biltong developed as a result. Here is Elsebé holding a stokkie (stick) of Biltong before it has been sliced. Pieter is holding the slicer to demonstrate how the Biltong is sliced into thin strips.
Biltong tasted good. It is a salty dry meat and reminded us a lot of Beef Jerky.
Once we sat at the table, we were presented with a cream soup. Usually it is made out of white pumpkin which is very common in South Africa. In Canada, Elsebé had to resort to butternut squash. The soup was excellent. The picture is nice too with the yellow against the blue tablecloth.


After the soup, our hosts brought the main course to the table: Lamb, potatoes, green beans, and broccoli. It was only the second time in my life that I had lamb and it was so good! Elsebé, having grown up on a sheep farm, knew how to prepare it in the most succulent way. It was a wonderful meal! During the meal Pieter and Elsebé's children entertained us with stories of South Africa. They return annually to their home country and so had pictures and experiences to share. Hendrik enthusiastically told all about Jack Rabbit Hunting. Basically all the kids jump in the back of a bakkie (pick up truck) and the adults drive the bakkie at top speeds bouncing through fields. One person in the back of the bakkie has a spot light. As soon as he picks up a jack rabbit in the spot, the truck screeches to a halt, the kids get out and chase the jackrabbit all over the field. Once they get close, they hit it with sticks (knobkerries really, but Hendrik assures me that any stick will do) until it is dead. Anneri and Hendrik had us all in stitches as they described chasing after the jack rabbits, stumbling in the pitch dark through the field and tripping over holes in the ground. It is a party, a part of childhood in South Africa. For many, especially the workers on the farm, it is also a source of food.

It wasn't until after the stories that we finally realized that a South African Jack Rabbit is not the same as a North American Jack Rabbit. While we were picturing cute little bunnies, they were describing animals with long tails. South African Jack Rabbits are more like wallabys then rabbits.
After we had finished our delicious meal, Pieter and Elsebé brought out the dessert -- Brandy tart otherwise known as Tipsie tart and ice cream. It was great.

Perhaps one of the best things about this great time with friends was the break it was for us in our wait. We looked forward to the meal and learning about a different part of South Africa, and enjoyed connecting in yet another way to the country that has become such an important place in our lives. An evening like this creates fellowship and builds friendships and encourages us in our journey. Thanks Pastor Jim and Linda, and thank you Pieter, Elsebé, Anneri, and Hendrik for a wonderful evening.