For this Child I prayed.

We have a tile in our bedroom on a little stand. It was a gift from a friend when we were expecting Leah. For nine months it sat on my bedside table as I prayed, each night, for the baby growing inside me. It's a picture of a baby sleeping, cradled in gentle hands. The text along the side comes from 1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed".



I think, because both my pregnancies were "precious pregnancies", in that they were finally achieved through fertility treatments and then were complicated, we really felt the reliance on God for the preservation and growth and development of our children. We can't make miracles, only God can. We covered each growing child in prayer every minute of the pregnancy. And we still cover our children with prayer, knowing full well that God holds them in His hands.

The anticipation for this new baby is the same. Especially because with this child there is absolutely nothing that we can do to ensure this child's safety and positive development. I can't avoid unpasteurized milk products. I can't eat lots of fish to improve his brain development. I can't avoid alcohol or caffeine to help his growth. There is literally nothing I can do except pray to God that he will receive the care he needs and will be protected from everything that could hurt him. And so we pray.

For much of my married life I have felt akin to the Hannah from 1 Samuel. Like me, Hannah was unable to have children. She, with her loving husband Elkanah, longed for a child together, but "the Lord had closed her womb". Like Elkanah and Hannah, Marc and I prayed and prayed and prayed for a child, and like them, finally, the Lord granted us what we asked...twice.

But Hannah is also akin to a birth mother. Despite her desperate longing for a child, her bitter weeping for years on end, when God finally granted her her desire, she brought her child to the temple to live there and to serve the Lord "I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord" (1 Samuel 1:28). She sacrificed her dream for a son so that he could live and serve the Lord.

Right now, a birth mother may be looking at our profile. She is faced with the terrible decision of who to give her child to, the child for whom she prays. She is making the same sacrifice that Hannah did. She is sacrificing herself for the sake of her child. The child that she loves, carried, birthed and prayed for is being given over to another.

Our son is covered doubly over in prayer. He has two Hannah mothers, his birth mother, and me, his adoptive mother. Together, we want what is good for him. Together, we give him over to the Lord.

For this child, we pray.

Something has happened...

Something has happened...I'm getting excited. I've always been excited about the baby part, and have been preparing for that for a long time: Picturing the baby, our first meeting, the orphanage, meeting his birth mom. I've spent a lot of time imagining all that. But now I'm getting excited about the travel. Maybe it's because we've booked our appointments to begin our immunizations for Africa, maybe it's because I've spent more time reading South Africa the Beautiful, but I'm getting really excited about travelling in South Africa.

When Marc and I were in Grand Rapids we spent time in Barnes and Noble and purchased a South African travel book. It gives a little information about the history and the cultures of South Africa and then goes through each region in detail, describing attractions, museums, and tours of each area. I'm reading through the book cover to cover making note of places we'd like to visit. So far, I think we'll have to move there to see all the things I'd like to see.

We're not sure how easy it will be to travel, especially with a baby. We don't know if our baby will be three months or 12 months and the baby's age will definitely impact our ability to travel. But for now, even deciding which region to set as our "base" and some "must sees" is worthwhile.

The problem is, each morning when Leah wakes us up (this morning it was 5:45 a.m.) instead of going back to sleep, I lie awake thinking about international driver's licenses, the feasibility of an in-country flight from Johannesburg to Capetown and whether or not to stay at Kruger National Park. Not because I'm worried, just because I'm excited.

I'm not complaining, about the lack of sleep I mean. I'd say I'll sleep afterwards, once we're home, but then, it'll be something else (or someone else) keeping me awake.

Somehow, I don't think I'll mind that either!

...in his hands

Recently Marc and I had the opportunity to attend the Calvin Symposium for Worship at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It was a weekend away...cherished since we know that once our adoption is completed and we have the baby, we won't be able to get away just the two of us for quite a while, but it was also much more than that. Both of us are heavily involved in worship planning and leading at church and it was a time to be led in worship, to learn about worship, and to participate in worship without having to think about chord changes, choreography, words of welcome or announcements. It was good to be there.

1500 people attend this event from all aspects of worship: Pastors, paid worship coordinators, organists, musicians, dancers, actors, worship leaders, singers. People also attend from all over the world. We were excited to eat one dinner with a pastor from Mozambique and a pastor from South Africa. Of course we discussed, a little nervously, our approaching adoption from South Africa. We had heard that adoption is not very popular in South Africa, and that international adoptions are even less popular. No country wants to lose its children to another country, and we imagine that a black society who has suffered so much from the hands of white people in the past would be wary of white people adopting their children. We shared our story and the pastor encouraged us. I did ask him how well received international adoption was in South Africa and he agreed that there were definitely some negative emotions surrounding it. However, he also explained that despite the heavy heart with which South Africans see their children leave, they are also glad for the opportunities those children will have in life. Opportunities that they never would have if they remained in South Africa.

The multi-cultural aspect of the symposium was very evident in the worship services. We worshiped in French, English, Zulu, Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Spanish, Lugandan, Swahili, Zulu, Urdu, Ngala, Dutch, Latin. Often the worship leaders who led these languages had those languages as their first language. The symposium also gave all registrants the CD "Global Songs for Worship" by the Choral Scholars. It includes songs from 25 different countries and is beautiful. Interestingly enough, Henry Kingma, a friend from high school with whom I acted and sang many years ago is one of the eight singers in the group. (For more information, contact http://www.thechoralscholars.com/)

There was also an abundance of resource material for worship, for music, and just for life. Of course, in our constant thinking about our future son, we were drawn to some beautiful portraits by Steve Prince of an African mother and her son. We purchased both prints and plan to frame them to hang in our home. For more on Steve Prince and his art, please visit http://www.1fishstudio.com/.

There were also dozens of gorgeous children's books with beautiful illustrations and wonderful stories. We purchased one book for each of our children. For Leah, often described as delightful, or a joy, we bought Karma Wilson's I Will Rejoice, illustrated by Amy June Bates.

It celebrates Psalm 118 "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!". For Sara, who is beautifully loud and who takes such pleasure in noise, we bought Let's Make a Joyful Noise based on Psalm 100:1 "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands." by the same author and illustrator.

And for our son, who we still have to meet, we bought He's Got the Whole World in His Hands by Kadir Nelson. A beautiful book with a black protagonist, a picture of a trans-racial family, and an incredible message.

He's got the sun, the rain, the moon, the stars, the wind, the clouds, the rivers and mountains, the oceans and seas, you and me, everybody here, everybody there, the WHOLE world, in His hands.

He even has the tiny little baby, our little baby, in his hands, and we are saving this book for that little one, our son, who waits on the other side of this huge world, far from our hands, but always in God's. We are so thankful for God's strong, loving hands.