On Dandilion Fluff and Eagle's wings...

It's been almost six months since our file left for South Africa in early November. And I'm not sure if half a year has ever taken this long in recorded history! The first few months were a pretty easy wait, actually. Since our South African social worker took the month of December off for Christmas, we knew that when she got back in January she would have a lot to catch up on; we didn't really start anticipating a call until February. Since February, we've been on pins and needles!


The average wait for a referral is eight months. Some people wait two months, some people have been waiting over a year. We hoped to be in the first category. Having been reassured that our family, made of a Christian pastor and teacher, would be a relatively quick pick for birth moms, we kind of hoped for a six month wait at the longest.

Even in February, in a conversation with our agency, we were encouraged to "get ready" because they were optimistic that we'd have our baby before summer. So our real time of anticipation began in March. On weekdays we'd glance eagerly at the caller id looking for that "Mission of Tears" name or the name of our Canadian social worker "Ann Felsky". By the end of March we'd check our phone messages immediately after arriving home, sometimes not even taking off our shoes. Although we tried not to, each ring of the phone made our minds race as we went to answer it, "could this be the call?".

Due to the Fifa World Cup taking place in South Africa, the overseas adoption program is shutting down for June and the first part of July. Our social worker is coming to Canada to meet with families, and no families will travel during that time to meet their child.

So...the wait for a referral will take a break for a while, and likely, we won't be meeting our little baby until the end of the summer...but now I wonder, will it be winter? Or will I, next spring, be still wondering, still waiting by the phone?

It is unbelievable how our third child affects our life DAILY. This little guy impacts our life in crazy ways. Booking camping reservations...will we be going camping or will we be in S.A.? Baby Tylenol is on sale, should I buy it so we're ready for the call? They said to 'get ready'. The girls ask how things will be with a baby. Leah proudly states how her baby brother will sit in the front of the 'Sit 'n Stand' stroller and she will get to stand in the back. Last night, while in the car, they asked how the seating arrangements will be when we have the baby (Sara will be in the back of the van).

But it wasn't until Sara said her next comment that I realized how the wait is affecting my two precious little girls. While we were driving in the van, Leah said, once again, "Our baby takes a long time". And then Sara shared excitedly that while waiting for the bus, she blew on a dandelion fluff and wished that we'd get the call about the baby next week! Sweet Sara believes with her whole heart in dandelion fluff wishes. Then, in my rear view mirror, I saw her eyes grow big and her hand cover her mouth. She had told us her wish...now it won't come true.


And that is pretty much the moment when my heart broke. The wait is hard on Marc and I, but to think of our six year old daughter using her dandelion's wish on a baby brother instead of on a pony or a dog or whatever toy or dream that usually fill the heads of little girls and then to think that she could, by mistake, do ANYTHING to ruin the chances of her baby brother... I just about cried then and there.


Instead I cried later. That night we went to a Sean and Aimee Dayton concert, a beautiful, intimate time of worship led by two gifted musicians and singers. Once again, in the usual way that God works, every song they sang was, of course, geared to me, my heart, and my troubles. The song that broke me, was based on the text, "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.

We have definitely been waiting, but the question of waiting on the Lord is debatable. How is it that just a few weeks ago, when we received the incredible news of our $10,000 grant we could be so definite about God's plan for us and his providence, and also of his timing. "For I know the plans I have for you", and now we are filled with such anxiety and stress at another day of waiting. Are we really trusting God's timing if we are so desperate for our call? So...we're trying to switch our thinking, trust in God's plan and God's timing, wait upon the Lord, and hang out with the birds for a bit.

I'm very disappointed that our chances of a spring baby are almost over. I've given up on the phone call for the time being. I don't wonder each time the phone rings if this is the moment. It's not going to happen right now. But I'm drawing on the message from Sean and Aimee, and from the Lord, that if I place my wait instead in the hands of the Lord, my strength in this long long journey of adoption will be renewed and my weariness will subside.